January 2011
18 posts
Wrinkles don't scare me
I know that I’ve come by each and every one of them honestly. Give me joy and bring me sorrow. Let them be etched on my flesh but also know that I shall cherish each and every mark.
Oh heart..
Oh you betrayer.
Just when I believed you and head to be resigned
I feel you lurch forward once more
Longing towards freedom and it’s desires.
Be still my heart
Be still and wait
For one day soon I will let you free to wander as you please
To wander into the arms of one that appreciates you.
This I promise.
Nope nope...not gonna fan girl here...nope
I realise that as a musician, a great one at that, just getting out in the world there’s a lot of female attention to be had. It’s because of that that I do my damn best to stand out from the herd.
I’ve been kinda crushing on a drummer I met when I actually saw a show for his singer. The drummer was kind enough to bring the singer over for a photo op and when he went to leave...
Bitter friday
Yeah…just feeling a little bitter today.
Almost everyone I’ve asked to hang out with this week or in the last has bailed on me or either keeps saying no/doesn’t offer alternative options.
So when I ask something about hanging out and you decide to ask questions about how my music is doing…why am I supposed to give you an answer? You care enough to ask but you don’t...
Hello head, hello heart...
I see you’ve been doing a lot of talking lately. Now Heart I know you feel certain things and have wants and needs. At this point though they are superseded by the rational needs of the situation. Yes, you yell louder and longer then Head does but I’m sorry. What Head says goes. Even if it hurts.
With the best of intentions,
Your human being
WatchI love my friends and the shit they get up to. So creative and so full of verve. I was only in attendance for about half the party as I had work the next morning but this is just a small glimpse of the people I love so dear and call family in my city.
6 tags
Self eval.
Weight loss is such a strange beast. Mind you what is also strange is how a person views them self even after losing that weight. I’m gradually becoming more accepting of what I see in photos and even enjoying what I see in the mirror. I still at times though feel like I’m fat even though I know it’s more due to old/bad patterns then actual fact.
Four years ago I was around...
So angry...so very angry...
How dare you! How dare you break into my home. Sure you didn’t steal anything and my roomie walked in on you thus interrupting your moment to steal his $1500 guitar. But still… FUCK YOU!
How dare you steal from me that sense of safety and home that I was finally starting to feel in a home that’s only just coming up on 6 months for me. I want to cry.
I’ve had people...
Pretty proud
I’m a person that, as much as I vent on here, is generally reserved when it comes to matters of the heart or the loins. I’ll bounce and talk a lot but rarely will such things lead to action where partners are concerned.
Tonight though one drink in I had a talk and I let out how I was feeling. I FEEL SO MUCH BETTER! Not only that but no spazzing out was had by anyone. In fact my...
2 tags
Finally found my bitch point
I should have known having a job this good would finally get to me. There always has to be one or maybe two small things that get to a person. For me the first one is passive bitching. If you don’t like something then come and talk to me about it. I won’t promise that your problem will be solved but you may learn things about that problem. Things that will diffuse the situation...
I can feel the descent..
This is the start of the year that scares me the most. The time where I start to feel my grip on joy slipping no matter how blissful I’ve felt in the past month or how encouraging things are in the weeks to come. I can already feel things, feel my stability starting to crumble and it’s upsetting.
I don’t want to be depressed. I don’t want to fight that fight again. If...
Sorting out the crazy..
I know it’s very unromantic, but every time I hear a lyric like “If you leave, my life will crumble” all I can think is “co-dependent jerk.”
A person I follow in twitter wrote that not long ago and all I can do is read it and not really blame them for feeling that way. It also makes me think about how I’m acting of late. It makes me question myself and...
Memories
I couldn’t help but think on my way home today about my father and his early influences on me. To sit and consider how I never once felt strange about being a femme but about how I wanted to be as strong as him. Granted as a child I realise my concepts of what strength is were highly skewed.
I wanted to be as tall as him, as physically strong and mentally determined. He was my ideal. I...
1 tag
Today was kinda crazy. I started out pretty happy. I was at work doing my thing…even got some sketching done since it was so dead. My mood did have a bit of a dip towards the end of my shift. I assume it was due in part to being hungry but also because I’ve just been moody lately. End of the previous month and all that and my needing time for my hormones to level out a bit.
...
Today is a bacon overload of love and peoples
Last year I learned to be a social butterfly. To attend functions where I knew less then 10% of the guests and still was able to speak up and add to the conversation with fearless exhuberance.
This year I feel is going to be one where I have something to do every weekend. Hanging with friends is cheaper then clubbing and bar far the better choice.
Quality over quantity my lovelies!
So many changes and experiences
So I got fed up and blocked him. I realised that once I did it I felt better. Some of the anxiety that had been building up was gone. All because I took the choice away from him and made it my own. I wasn’t being abandoned. I was being the one to look at a situation, see it as unhealthy and remove myself from it. After my last toxic relationship I see it as important that I’m...